To communicate effectively is particularly essential in order to work well together as a group or a team. One situation that I still recall vividly happened during my first semester in NUS. Mr. M and I were assigned laboratory partners for two modules then. Although he is now one of my close friends in Singapore, our friendship did not kick off well. In fact, it was horrible. He strode into the laboratory on the first day with a hostile expression and sat next to me, totally ignoring my presence. The subsequent laboratory sessions with Mr. M were nerve-racking. As I was rather intimidated by him, I talked less and spoke softer. However, the more I did that, the more annoyed he got with me! He reckoned that I was not interested in contributing to our labwork! Reflecting back, it was a pretty amusing situation. Nonetheless, it is evident here that such conflicts can be prevented with better communication skills.
Besides that, effective communication skills are required in a myriad of work settings. I hope to enhance my communication skills through this module. True enough, having paper qualifications may help me secure a job, but possessing effective communication skills will boost my employability and marketability, providing me more opportunities for advancing in my future career.
In a nutshell, I believe that good communication skills are becoming increasingly important for me to establish healthier personal relationships and to develop my future career.
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A very practical view on the need for communicate effectively Valerie. True enough, paper qualifications get you into the job initially, everything else would then probably carry on from there and with good relationships and communication in the workplace, one is certainly more well-posed to do well.
ReplyDeleteYour example about the lab partner made me wonder though. If someone detests you even before you even had to chance to communicate with him, be it verbally or non-verbally, and even goes one step further by being hostile towards you, how is it all going to work? Perhaps you could share how the initial negativity of your relationship with M evolved into a close friendship. There might be several pointers that we can take away from your story.
Hi Valerie!Nice meeting you in class on tuesday :).
ReplyDeleteYes, I kind of agree with what Jude has said.How do you actually approach someone who expresses no intention of getting to know you? In such situation, someone has to pluck up courage and approach that person in order to break the ice.Perhaps that person could just be having a bad day thus giving these "Please back-off" looks.I wonder whether a little humour would help to break the ice.But first of all, you really need to find out why that person is giving such looks.
Personally,I have met a couple of such people before.I try to initiate conversations with them but somehow it doesn't seem to work.
But Valerie, since you mention that Mr.M is now one of your close friends, did you ever found out why he giving those hostile looks? How did you eventually begin to break the ice?
Hey Valarie!
ReplyDeleteIsn't it aweful when your lab partner simply radiates hostility and talks to you like every word he says to you is a waste of his precious time? Infact, I've had the misfortune of being partnered with such people more than once. Unlike you though, I never got around developing such close relationships with them.
However, I do find that in time, the ice is eventually not as thick. A little humour DOES help in thinning the ice - but you need to be careful. You don't want to annoy him by making him think you're not serious. Sometimes I find that mirroring helps. If he speaks in a low serious tone, you responding in a highpitched, giggling manner will not help put him at ease, you know what I mean? Try mirroring their tone, choice of words, tempo, etc...If you do it right, they'll subconciously feel like they can relate or connect to you. It really works on some people!
If this fails in opening them up, try old-fashioned questioning them about themselves. A lot of people like talking about themselves, and a lot of them will call you a good conversationalist even if all you had done was ask them to talk about themselves. And they just might start open up and become friendlier.
How did you manage to do it?
Hi Jude, Denise and Ranmali! Thank you for all your comments.
ReplyDeleteBack to Jude's and Denise's question, I would like to believe that he did not truly intend to be hostile in the first place. There may be reasons for his self-defensive nature, like bad experiences in past friendships, or maybe girls in general (yikes!)! I thought it was pretty queer that when we were working together, we tend to exude these negative feelings, but over MSN, everything seemed fine. I believe this had something to do with nonverbal communication skills. He may be sending me the wrong signals, or I may be too frightened to decode the right signals. I forgot to mention one thing, he has the tendency to speak too fast, it seems like a punishment for me to tell him to repeat himself!
Ah yes, Ranmali is right. A little humour, some boldness can help break the ice. Things like telling "A little smile would probably make you more good-looking and less intimidating, you know?" And I did try to learn more about him. OVER MSN, THOUGH! I could not stand talking to him face-to-face then.
Yes I too agree that humour is the way to go. BUT what if he doesn't find it funny? So i guess talking on MSN really is the best idea since you won't be affected by the non verbal cues. I use to hate one of my friend as well because he sits behind me and he enjoys kicking my chair. We broke out into a fight once. In the end both of us started talking because we had to do a project together and realise that the other party isn't such a bad person afterall. Being united towards a common goal can sometimes solve the problem. :)
ReplyDeleteHello Val!
ReplyDeleteI hate to do labs in a scary environment as if the time limit is not enough to make everyone panic! O_O! I agree with Ranmali! Mirroring the tone and actions would help build rapport with the other person but everything has a limit! If you overdo it, it may scare people off! (:
Cheers!
Thanks, Valarie, for this open and honest reflection. It's well organzied and fluent, whick makes for easy reading. You also touch on the general and the specific (you)when it comes to comm skill needs.
ReplyDeleteWhen I first read the anecdote you mention, I couldn't help but think of the story in the movie Twilight and the scene in the lab between Edward and Bela. Have you seen that?
What might make your post stand out even more would be if you explained how the chilliness of those first imnpressions was resolved.
I look forward to reading more of your posts!
Thanks Brad for the feedback.
ReplyDeleteOh! I read the book (half of it) and watched the movie. But of course, my lab partner did not give the expression like he was about to gobble me up. And we are not romantically involved!
@ See Chai: This lab partner of mine gave the wrong aura to my friends as well. He did not find my friend's joke funny, and his attitude sort of frightened her off! Hahaha!
@ Shih Han: Haha! It's such irony that from getting intimidated, I am the one intimidating people! =p
Hey Valerie! I think that doing practicals with a stranger can be a very scary experience. Even after doing that for the past two years, I still dread going for the first practical when my group had no one whom I knew. Each session there were so many things to cover that the time limit often did not allow lab mates to know each other better. I am also interested to know how you managed to improve the relationship between you and Mr M.! Hope to hear more from you!
ReplyDeleteHi Lin,
ReplyDeleteSorry for the awfully late reply. I have been really busy with all my lab reports and test. I'd say I have the benefit of avoiding such fears after my 1st year, since the FST cohort is rather small!
Well, Mr. M opened up eventually. We did have a common friend, so it is easier to let Mr. M know through our friend that he is giving these intimidating signals to everyone (not just me!). We started going out in a big group of friends and got to know each other better. =) I guess not every conflict needs solutions verbally.